Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
high people should be assigned attendants
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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