Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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