There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
