I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
