U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
