Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
