You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
