My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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