I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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