Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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