I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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