halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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