We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
