Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
