i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
