I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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