Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
