i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
