I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
