I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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