i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
