Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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