i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
