you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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