Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
