once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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