Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
