there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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