break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
