we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
