If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
