a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
