Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
