forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
