i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
