So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Drake has all the answers
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
