Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
