I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
