I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
