i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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