she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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