my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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