I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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