I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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