I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
