i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
