There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
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There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
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DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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