I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
