It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
