my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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