So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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