Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
