I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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