I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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