I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
