I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
