yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
