no, he came in my armpit
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
