just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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