I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
