She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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