I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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