MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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