Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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