My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
