The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
