Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
