jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
